Seeing Death

In modern American society, we hardly ever see death or dying people. They're kept tucked away in hospitals, nursing homes or private homes, out of public view. So we hardly ever think about the end of our lives, which is strange really because it's the one thing we are all guaranteed to have. 

Contrast that with people living in a less industrialized/developed country. There may not be the financial capabilities, nor the desire, to place a dying family member in a nursing home. And so the family adjusts its schedules, finances and daily living practices to care for the dying person. While this is difficult, and not something I would readily sign myself up for, it is certainly instructive. It means that the whole family -- adults and children alike -- are exposed to the process of dying, 24/7. They witness the body gradually shutting down. They see their loved one sleeping more, resting more, having less energy and less alertness. They witness the arms and legs growing mottled as the body shunts energy and blood away from the extremities and toward the vital organs. They are present for the whole dying process.

What a gift! Not to downplay the difficulty of watching a loved one leave this earth, or the daily work of caregiving, but it is a gift nonetheless to witness a human body naturally moving through its autumn toward its final winter. It is instructive. It gives one a different frame of reference from what we see on TV, which usually shows an intense, quick, painful experience of dying. It seems as though in reality death is a long, slow, drawn-out process that can take over a year! 

It also gives one an opportunity to grieve. It helps one let go of the dying person because one is in tune with the body's natural dying process. Perhaps a long, slow process helps us to more easily accept the end of a life.

And yet we continue to postpone death through extreme medical interventions, and every means possible. We even try to erase signs of aging with hair dyes and plastic surgery. As a culture, we are so uncomfortable with aging and death and we glorify youth and life. 

Because we do not ponder our own death, and because we hardly see or experience death, we do not fully live. We get distracted by advertising that tells us we need to worry about possessions, looks, sports teams, celebrities and clothes. We do not really live our lives. We forget to explore the depth of our soul, or that of others. We rush through meals instead of savoring each bite and reflecting on the miracle of a plant becoming a seed that then becomes a plant that nourishes our bodies. If you stop to think about it, it really is amazing!