Life is a Gift

". . . This faith is expressed in our understanding of life as a gift. The metaphor of gift conveys that life is good and that life, like a gift, is not self-created or self-sufficient. Nothing exists by itself. All of creation is interdependent-the earth, the sky, and all that lives therein. An acknowledgment of this gift of life evokes thanks and care from us." (Faithful Living, Faithful Dying, p. 19)

Life is a gift. This becomes clear when sitting by the bedside of someone who is dying. None of us is here through our own merit. It is only by the grace of God that we have life and that we are able to walk this earth, breathe the air, eat food and be in relationships with those around us. What a gift. 

My time with Mrs. G this week was a gift. Alex had taken her to have her hair done. She was lying in bed when I arrived and Alex said she would probably rest the whole time I was there. Instead she asked him to help her sit up in the living room, which he did, and for the next two hours she and I conversed about a whole range of subjects. She was more lucid than I have ever seen her. 

She told me about her life. I learned that her husband was in the Navy for 30 years. He was often deployed when her three boys were little so she was a single parent in some respects. She had three boys under the age of five in 1963. She was an assistant of some kind at the Chula Vista hospital, which is now a nursing home. She was a midwife before that in the Philippines, but she said midwives were not allowed in the US at that time. We talked about that for a while. I told her that midwives are allowed now and that more and more families are opting to use midwives now. She seemed interested and encouraged to know that. I told her about having my baby at home with midwives. She thought that was good if the pregnancy was normal. I assured her mine was. 

She talked about Parkinson's and what it is - a disease that impacts nerves and muscles. She would talk about it in onebreath and in the next say, "I can't complain. I've lived 83 years. That's long enough." She made me smile when she said that because she was so accepting of her situation, and so humble about it. I told her I was impressed by how long she had lived and how she had raised three fine sons and had lots of grandkids now. She thanked me. I asked her if she had any advice. She said, "Just enjoy life. Don't take life too seriously. Enjoy it." She added that moderation was a good idea. :)

She asked me about my family so I told her about my son, who is sixteen, and about my wife and her work. I told her about my mom and dad. She asked if my dad was in the military and I said yes, he was in the Air Force. I was able to show her photos on my phone which she liked. I showed her my son's prom picture, and she complimented his girlfriend and her beautiful skin. 

She told me about her son, Patrick, saying "He's always making jokes. He doesn't take life too seriously." And of Alex she said, "He's so understanding and kind." She just thinks the world of him, both of them. It's touching to see. 

She kept touching her hair and saying how Alex had taken her to the salon. She loved that. I think it gave her energy and made her feel good about herself, like she was able to sit up in the living room and talk to me instead of lying in bed. She said Alex would take her back in six weeks, which seems like a good idea. But she liked it so much, I would take her back every week. It really makes her happy.

She told me her birthday is October 18 but she is happy living to age 83. She feels that is long enough. She feels she has had a good life. It has been a gift.

Toward the end of my visit, she was just sitting quietly and seemed to be nodding off so I called to Patrick and he helped her back to bed. Another volunteer showed up just as I was leaving. I was glad that Alex was having a night out.

I admire Mrs. G. She does not shy away from the reality that death is coming. She knows it and she seems to be at peace with it. She even said at one point that she had peace inside herself. She has no real aversion to death and I think she welcomes the chance to be free of Parkinson's. She is brave and kind and she was a delight to be with. I am so grateful for the opportunity to know her and to get to know her family a little bit too. What a lovely family. They are a gift to me. I continue to be humbled by their strength and endurance. I know Alex is tired and yet he is always kind and gentle.  

I often think of them throughout the week and it gives me pause. I will stop what I'm doing and pray for them, and remember that life is a gift. I turn my attention more to what is right before me instead of hurrying around and trying to accomplish more than is reasonable in a day. I do not want to spend this gift in a frantic state, always rushing and pushing to get through this phase to the next one. I want to take Mrs. G's advice and just enjoy life. In moderation.