How to Prepare for the Loss of a Parent

The work of caring for a dying parent is exhausting. It is important to prepare for your loved one's death prior to a serious illness so that when you are doing the daily tasks of caregiving, you can rest assured knowing your loved one's estate is settled and everything will click along as it should when he or she dies. You are likely to fare better throughout the process because of your peace of mind. You will not be forced to make important financial decisions while handling the physical, emotional and spiritual separation from your loved one. Here are some ways to prepare.

1. Discuss and Arrange Funeral Plans in Advance: Funerals can cost $10,000 or more, and advance payment is often required. Life insurance policy payments can take a month or two to arrive. To pay for the funeral, you must either save the cash ahead of time or have credit available. Purchase cemetery plots in advance. Pay for cremation up front. Discuss preferences with your loved one and do it when death feels far away for the best results.
2. Acquire Forms and Legal Documents: Acquire government documents for notifying the government about your loved one's death. You may need to close bank accounts, investment accounts and other financial accounts. Fill out as much of that paperwork ahead of time as possible. Paperwork is not something you will want to handle when you lose someone you love. If you are in charge of the will, you should obtain a copy. If a lawyer is handling the reading of the will and the dispensation of property, find out what they need from you.
3. Pre-write the Obituary: If you want to run an obituary in a newspaper or online news outlet, contact them ahead of time to find out what is required. Obituaries can be written ahead of time as well. Find out the details about your loved one's life. Where did they go to school? When were they married? What was their career? What were the important dates in their lives? Answer these all in one document so you can easily submit the obituary when it is time. Select a photograph to accompany the obituary ahead of time and have a high resolution (1MB or larger) digital copy for easy sending. 
4. Prepare a Will: Prepare a written will that indicates how property will be distributed at the time of death. It is revocable and subject to amendment at any time during your loved one's lifetime. A will must be signed by your loved one and witnesses. 
5. Prepare a Living Trust: A living trust provides lifetime and after-death property management. It allows you to avoid probate court which can be a lengthy and expensive process. If your loved one is disabled by accident or illness, you can manage the trust property as the successor trustee. As a result, the expense, publicity and inconvenience of court-supervised distribution of the estate can be avoided. The important thing about trusts is that they must be funded to be effective. This means you have to put your large assets into the trust to receive the benefits of avoiding probate court and controlling what happens to your property after you are gone. Another drawback is that it is more expensive than a will because it requires the help of an estate lawyer. A number of estate lawyers are members of the Episcopal Diocese of San Diego and in the past have offered discounts for their services. Expect to spend $250 minimum on a living trust.
6. Set your Phone and Mail to Lower Volume: Use the Do Not Disturb feature on your iPhone to avoid unwanted calls from people not in your contact list offering condolences, or from businesses trying to capitalize on your inheritance. Ask a trusted friend to handle your mail for a couple weeks. Ask him or her to pay your bills that may arrive, and to pick up the mail. It's not a huge task but you may fall behind in a time of grief and you don't want to incur late fees. Everyday life can be difficult after someone dies, so help with the little things can make all the difference. 
7. Ask for Help: Be creative in asking for help. Ask people you know who are knowledgeable about these subjects. Use any employee benefit program for free consultations with estate lawyers, or others who can guide you. Google words you don't understand or "how to _____" when you get stuck. 
8. Pray: Ask God for guidance in settling these matters. In our complicated world there are many considerations, but in the end we are all God's children and God wants us to be at peace, not stressed about the details. Pray and ask your friends and family members to pray for you. You will be amazed at how much this can help.